My friend has been working at Verizon for a month (after getting laid off from her previous company) and she decided to have a party to celebrate. I had a coupon for a free pint of ice cream if you buy a cake and thought this would be a good time to use it.
Cake guy [after writing "Congrats" on the cake]: What's the congratulations for?
Me: Oh, our friend has been working somewhere for a month.
Cake guy (confused): Is that a record?
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Female friend: What time did yall leave the titty bar?
Me: Oh, do you still have my lunch box?
Male friend: Is that a euphemism?
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Me: Yeah, I haven't bought any of my game consoles. They were all either gifts or just bought by someone else.
Friend: Do you buy ANYTHING?
(To be fair, he's kinda right. Looking around my apartment, the only things I've bought on my own are the sofa, chair, and digital camera. Everything else is pretty much furniture from Austin. I'm spoiled, what can I say?)
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